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My hubby stopped initiating sex

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DEAR Dra. Holmes:

I am 28, married, and we have one baby born just this year. My husband is 30. We have been married for almost three years. After the first year of marriage, my husband would initiate sex less often. I was always the one making the first move; as if he no longer desired me.

I brought it up, he apologized, saying he will make more of an effort. He would initiate­ once or twice, then go back to not looking for sex. I would get frustrated at the seeming lack of interest, confront him, he would apologize, initiate once or twice, but then soon return to his nonchalance. Parang I was the only one who wanted to have sex.

With our baby, it has gotten worse. We have sex approximately once a month, me always initiating. I often resort to masturbating while he is sleeping beside me. I cheated on him before. I regret cheating on him and do not want to do so anymore. But it’s happening again in my mind because he doesn’t seem sexually interested in me. I’ve cried to him and opened up with him about this in the past.

He seems never to have been involved in any extramarital affair.

I suppose you could say that I can initiate sex more often and then naturally, we’d do it more often­, but I don’t just want more frequent sex. I want to feel desired by my husband. I feel so sad, because I know how they say that sex eventually simmers down after years of marriage, but we’ve been married for not even three years and after just the first year, things already began to go cold in what used to be a majorly steamy bedroom. I watch my weight, I take care of my body, and so I know it’s not because I “let myself go.”

Please help me. I love my husband and want him all the time. I know he loves me too but I don’t know if he finds me sexually attractive anymore. I feel so unwanted.

I hope you can give me good advice. Looking­ forward to your reply.
Thank you so much,
JAN

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